Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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