i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
