he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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