You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
