Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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