were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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