I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
