I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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