I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
