Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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