In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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