The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
