he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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