you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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