There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
