if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
