she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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