I hate all girls vehemently.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
