good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
