it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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