i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
