Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
