Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My vagina is officially offended.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
