After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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