Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
