just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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