She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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