in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
