1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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