were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
