Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he shaved USA in his pubs
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
