if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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