Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
