I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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