well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
