Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
