Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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