She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
