you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
