i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
