I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
