I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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