Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
