and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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