god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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