Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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