New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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