Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
