he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
