Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
